You’ve spent months caring and getting ready to meet someone new, someone you’ve been looking forward to meeting, to hold in your arms–only to experience the exact opposite: a miscarriage or stillborn. Rather than talking to anyone, even your partner/spouse, about how you felt losing this new life you were looking forward to welcoming…you go quiet. You don’t mention it, not once, even when people ask. You feel like there’s no safe space to really share these feelings…that there’s no way anyone wants to hear your story.
Does this resonate with you? Even though miscarriage is actually quite common, many people, especially women, go through this silent grief after pregnancy loss. Parents who face the profound sorrow of miscarriage frequently end up keeping their experiences to themselves… but the pain and grief only grow louder, refusing to be ignored or silenced. Have you woken up in the middle of the night because of these feelings?
Grieving is a natural response to such a loss, a healthy way to cope with it. By allowing ourselves the time, space, and permission to grieve properly, we are being kind to ourselves.
If you’re mourning the loss of a pregnancy, there is help out there. It might be hard to reach out, but at Expressions Counselling in Port Moody BC, we understand that finding the courage to break the silence is a big step–one that you may not be feeling ready to take yet. And that’s okay.
We hope this guide offers you something–most of all a little reassurance that you’re truly not alone in this experience.
Understanding Grief Following Pregnancy Loss: Common Emotions Experienced After a Miscarriage
Navigating the emotions surrounding postpartum distress is a genuinely tough journey, especially when you not only throw grief into the mix, but also you venture on processing your grief alone. It’s often impossible to figure out how everything fits together in this overwhelming puzzle when you go solo.
Some women who experience a miscarriage can navigate their feelings about the loss with relative ease, while others may find themselves in deep despair; both parties usually make the assumption that there’s a ‘right way’ and a ‘wrong way’ to feel about pregnancy loss.
The reality and truth of this matter is that there’s no right or wrong way to feel about it. If you’re feeling strong and ready to move on after a miscarriage, that’s completely valid. If you’re grappling with profound grief and sadness, that’s equally valid.
Whenever a woman’s body transitions from being pregnant to not being pregnant, there’s a huge hormonal shift that impacts the brain’s chemistry. Postpartum depression, anxiety, and similar moods and mood disorders can affect a mom no matter when or if the baby is delivered. You might find yourself needing to work through grief while also dealing with a body and brain that are in a vulnerable state.
Grief is a natural process and comes with a range of emotions throughout each stage. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance all take place at different times and look different from an outside point of view. While there can be some overlap between each of these stages and the emotions that come with them, your grief isn’t defined by the experiences of others. If you feel angry about what happened one day and then disconnected from your loss the next, that’s totally normal.
Strategies that Help with the Grief After Pregnancy Loss
Talking Openly
Having conversations about the baby – their name, their story, their brief time in the world – can be incredibly healing, restoring a sense of safety and trust.
Community Support
Support groups offer connection, understanding, and a sense of belonging among those who have experienced a similar journey. They also help to break the silence that often surrounds baby loss.
Therapy and Professional Care
Psychological therapy – including process-oriented or trauma-focused approaches like EMDR – can assist parents in processing traumatic memories and restoring emotional stability.
Practical Help
Things like takeout meals, running errands, and just being present in silence can be lifesavers for parents dealing with intense grief after losing a baby. They often struggle to take care of themselves, so any practical support from their loved ones and neighbours can alleviate this heavy burden.
Permission to Grieve Without a Timeline
Grief doesn’t have a deadline. Every parent’s experience after a miscarriage is unique, and the healing journey from pregnancy loss isn’t a straightforward path. Acknowledging this allows parents to navigate their grief with compassion rather than pressure.
In Summary:
The loss of a baby is not something that a parent can simply move past. It’s something they often carry with them, where love is strong and grief is intertwined with it. What these parents and women truly need is understanding, from their communities, workplaces, and families–along with a space where their babies are honoured, not forgotten.
At Expressions Counselling, we’re here to help you with grief counselling for pregnancy loss in a supportive, non-judgmental space, offered both in-person and online for the local Downtown Vancouver BC community. We act as a guiding point as you process and untangle the emotions that accompany grief. Gradually you’ll start to discover meaning in it all, ensuring that the waves of grief don’t lead to depression.
Although it will take time–lots of it–it’s very possible to begin accepting this new normal. Even though it will seem impossible at first, you can move forward. Support is available–you don’t have to suffer in silence.
